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Time:06:35 pm
Majestic rotunda
entryway to the Ivory Tower
I’m told I've arrived; silent
Silenced by my outlandishness.
Equality, justice, freedom?
Syncopated ideals
of an outdated hippy mentality.
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Subject:getting my crazy out....
Time:01:13 pm
I am all breeds of crazy,
and when I write
I translate my crazy
through my pen
on to paper
to try to escape myself.
To try to help is escape me.

I am all kinds of crazy. Peace is never an internal reality, and I am destined to be postcolonial for eternity. I’m not post ethnic, you see, because my brown skin and nappy hair labels my body, just as my affinity towards women stamps me as queer, the labels affixed to my body would only tear off bits of my brown skin as they are torn off. Less brown, better assimilated, I wouldn’t be me.

Assimilation daunts overhead, as I, part normative, part deviant, hack out my own life path, I fear validating people’s negative perceptions of my own identity. I’m confused, but fear communicating my confusion out of fear of being marked “tragic.” Tragedy, like so much else, looms overhead threatening my future, bringing out my crazy.
All kinds of crazy, yo.


Aunt Jemimah and Scarlett O’Hara, where do I come from?
Caged away from ancestrial pride
I’ve been raised with no race pride,
I understand my foremothers
Were the products of rapes
Bred to be light skinned,
House slaves,
House bitches
Bred to be house whores,
To be used as the massa pleased
pleases
I was not taught self-love
I’ve had to develop it myself.
Failing often,
I need to remind myself of the basics
I’m worthy
I’m a good spirit
I’m attractive
not a whore
not a bitch
nor a slave to anyone.
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Subject:emo shit...
Time:02:30 am
Lying in bed, life's beauty is lost on me. My mind lost in thoughts of you. Lie next to me. Put your arm around me, and I'll be ok. Ink to paper (or fingers to keys), I feel lost forgetting myself on paper. Life's love lost. Painful a story as it is, I'm ready to forget. I used to write secrectly to him, not I write to him through you. He needs toknow he hurt mel you need to know I'm ok.
    Hold me; less committal than a kiss, what I want is your arm around my waist and your breath on my neck.

Everynight
Distant lovers
You should think about me.
Heaven only knows
Wevything night, everyday
It could be a sunday kind of love;
a love to last past saturday night.

Not for ever, just through sunday

Loving day looms and
What kind of an activist can I be
If I don't have a love of my own?

Think about me.
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Time:10:08 pm
Dear White boy,

I've got something to tell you,
I'ma need you to
sit and wait and listen.
Have patience with me.

I'm afraid of you,
afraid of liking you.
Afraid. I'm not ready
for the conflict you've ignited
unwittingly.

I need you to understand
misnegotiation looms overhead
Pressures abound, and you
threaten alienation from my home.

I am a laundry list of realities
identities converge in my soul.
I have been systematically marginalized.
The hurt I feel is real.

I am half White Heterosexual, half Black and lesbian
Conflated into an intangible reality.
I have become the untouchable.
Misnegotiation looms.

I am the colonizer and the colonized.
Oppressor and the oppressed.
my anscestors were the product of rapes
of Master and Slave,

I can no longer be colonized.
I refuse to perpetuate stereotypes of tragedy,
but with the hurt I feel
Self destruction seems inevitable.
Misnegotiation looms above.

You, my white boy crush, threaten
the identity I’ve carved,
queer women of color.
you mean jeopardizing my authenticity
I’ve built everything that I am on the laundry list
of labels implaced on me.

I’ve empowered them and forgotten their meaning
They are who I am, I define them.

You can define them, too
If you like. Accept my neuroses, and you can
have your place in my life. Understand and accept
that I hurt; why I hurt. And you'll be worth the risk.
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Time:05:27 am
"Freak"
"Bitch"
"Dyke"
"Nigger"
"Cunt"
"Zebra"

...and you ask
Why I'm angry?
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Subject:Aspiration - Langston Hughes
Time:10:37 pm
I wonder how it feels
Todo cart wheels?
I sure would like
To know.

To walk a high wire
Is another desire,
In this world before
I go.
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Time:12:43 am
Space and time actively stand still as I, lying here in my freeform fetal position contemplate. My broken spirit's wayward path, terrifies. What was it like to feel again? Life's narrowing paths are daunting as I, here in my freeform fetal position contemplate how I it is to feel.
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Subject:I don't "do" titles
Time:12:41 am
Wind blows
Northwest, Southeast
Descernably classless
It blows through neighborhoods
Regardless of who's window
it blows through

Wind blows unilaterally
while simultaneously
affecting people depending only
on season

Seasonality
Seasonality determings direction
Winter? Hatred
Nothing's more in vogue
Than a cool bress on a summer's eve
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Subject:Fleur
Time:07:40 pm
"I liked you better when you were purple,"
I whispered in what I imagine to be your ear

Your placid blue temperment
Seems not to become you
"I miss your vibrancy,
Your 'look at me attitude'"

Uprooted from your home,
Dropped in an alien land
"I've been blue, too,"
I say, my head nodding,
"I've been blue too,"
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Time:12:26 am
really long about AR stuffs, I'm submitting it to a thing...yeah...Réduire )
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[icon] vomi_en_mots
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